On Upholding Traditional Marriage

By Eileen Love

I got a call last night from a friend in another state. She was upset to learn that her bishop had donated a sizeable amount to help the state of Maine defeat “gay marriage.” “Why is he giving money to some effort across the country? We have needs right here!” “True,” I said, “but what happens in Maine impacts all of society. The collective effort to save marriage, look after the welfare of children, and acknowledge the family as the bedrock unit of society is worth supporting!” As we were talking, I wondered why she wasn’t equally upset by the State of Maine’s audacious action to redefine the institution of marriage. Many people were, among them Diocese of Portland Bishop Richard Malone who realizes full well what this portends for the culture. He and others inside the Church and beyond realize that it damages society and imperils the welfare of children when we choose to distort the sacred institution that is natural to human beings and was ordained by God.

To fill you in:

On November 3rd, voters in Maine repealed a law that permitted homosexuals to wed. A measure went on the ballot a few months after a law permitting gay marriage was passed by the state legislature and signed by Maine governor John Baldacci. In the wake of this, a concerted effort was mounted by a coalition of religious and secular groups who opposed the effort to undermine traditional marriage. Bishop Malone was in the forefront and invited the participation of his brother bishops. My friend’s bishop was one of many who offered spiritual and financial support.

After the victory in Maine, Archbishop Joseph E. Kurtz, speaking for the USCCB, issued a statement which said in part:

“The Church stands for the basic rights of all people, including homosexual persons…Protecting marriage between a man and a woman has nothing to do with denying basic rights to anyone, though it is often framed in such terms…Especially in our society where we see so many marriages fail, we should work to strengthen marriage rather than redefine it.”

And:

“Marriage must be protected and promoted today for what it is and what it is
meant to be: the lifelong, exclusive union between husband and wife. There are many ways to uphold the basic human rights of all people, but sacrificing marriage can never be one of them."

This is the part of the debate that does not always get heard. I suspect that Catholics get their news the way most people do – from TV and various media outlets which reflect the popular thinking of a select, vocal few. But whenever human beings are discussing what it means to be human, the voice of the Church should be heard. When it is, as in an ENDOW group, I have noticed that women are greatly surprised and even delighted to learn of the vast treasure of truth contained in Church teaching. An amazed look, accompanied by the statements: “Why didn’t I ever hear this? How come I don’t know this?” is typical.

The people in Maine have spoken. In their state at least, traditional marriage is safe for the moment. But the debate will continue. Catholics who want to have a say should be equipped with cogent arguments backed by solid teaching. I recommend reading the pastoral letter just released this month by the USCCB, called “Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan.” It provides a much-needed catechesis on a topic that touches us all very deeply. Be prepared to be surprised and delighted.

Click to the link

List Vs Habits—Seeking Faith-filled Spouses

By Jamie Gruber

In high school my girlfriends and I read a book on book on Christian dating: how to date, who to date, when to date. We desired dating to be purposeful and God centered. The dating culture of our peers was driven by hormones and status, and easily ended. If we were to have purposeful and God-centered relationships, we would need to create a way to sustain meaning in the midst of chaos. Our solution to avoid falling into “another high school fling,” was to create a checklist against which each boy would be measured. Now, we did this with the best intentions: to stay pure and seek Christ. However, it shouldn’t surprise you that we didn’t have many dates. Let’s face it, no 17 year old guy had a chance.

The four short years of high school came and went and off to college we all went with the hope that a man would finally match our list… but yet another disappointment. To our innocent surprise, college did not produce perfect checklist quality men. Yet we still believed in the power of the list, so we clung to our list sure that it would soon yield a live person.

Leaving college I said to a friend: “Well, in high school and college males were still boys, but NOW in the working world, I will find a decent list-worthy man—after all, they do pay their own bills and work 9-5…” It has been a year since I left college and still, no list-approved dates.

This past weekend, I was part of a conference for young adults titled, “It Takes a Family to Raise a Village.” One of the professors gave a lecture on the dos and don’ts of marriage. In one sentence he changed my outlook on lists. He said don’t create a checklist of expectations for your future spouse—this is a recipe for disappointment. Instead, create a list of habits YOU want to bring to your future marriage. When husbands and wives are equipped with virtuous habits their relationship is able to flourish and grow toward Christ.

Immediately, my list was shattered. I was using the list to ignore my responsibilities in preparing for my vocation. Rather, I was idolizing my future husband’s perfection and his virtue. This weekend, I was reminded that marriage is a Sacrament, a window to Heaven. Ultimately, marriage is a vehicle to our sanctification. One day, my virtuous contribution will be just as vital as my husband’s to our salvation.

My new list has my name at the top and it is a list of habits I want to contribute to my marriage. There is a weight that has been lifted. It is not for me to match a man to my list. Instead it is my duty to form virtuous habits now. Habit formation is the greatest active marriage preparation we can do as single people. We love our future spouse the most when we create habits of virtue in ourselves that will lift our marriage to heaven.

Jeremiah 29:11 reminds me that God has a perfect plan for my future. Building up virtue allows that plan to carry on as God sees fit and one day, through His Grace, I will meet my future husband and be fully equipped for marriage: “For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare, not for woe! Plans to give you a future full of hope.”

Jimmie and Linda

By Eileen Love
It was the kind of phone call you know is coming, yet it still takes you by surprise. Jimmie was dead. The voice on the line belonged to one of the women in my ENDOW group, and she was calling all of us to share the news that Linda’s husband finally ended his battle with cancer.

I first met Linda at an ENDOW gathering a couple of years ago. It was an informational meeting. There were one hundred women in the room that day and all were captivated by the description of John Paul II’s teaching on the genius of women. Some of us banded together and that day was the beginning of our own little ENDOW group.

With the love of our faith as the common bond, we all quickly became friends. We learned about each other’s families, dissected our struggles and discussed successes. Always throughout, we prayed for one another.

Linda, the extrovert, and Jimmie, the quiet one, were married for forty years and were entirely devoted to each other. When Linda shared with us how sick her husband was, I was struck by the language she used. When she spoke of the doctoring and the hospital visits, she always used the plural, as in…“We’ve never had cancer before…” and “We told the doctor we didn’t feel good…” In our group, Linda often prefaced her comments with self deprecating disclaimers like, “I don’t know much but …” and then a priceless gem would drop from her lips. She had the faith in her heart and loved stretching intellectually. And she had the theology of Christian marriage down pat. She knew, better than anyone that the task of Christian spouses is to help each other along in the path of holiness.

This she did all during Jimmie’s long illness. When our group did our latest study on Salvifici Doloris (The Christian Meaning of Human Suffering) Linda could not always be with us because of the demands of caretaking her husband, but when she could steal away, she would come to our meeting, one of us would fetch her coffee, and we would read John Paul II’s message on the redemptive power of suffering. We all took in the words and pondered their meaning, but it was Linda, with her quiet courage and untiring love, who made the message come alive.

At the funeral Linda looked beautiful. She was dressed in a pretty green top and wore a faint smile much of the day. Serene during the Mass and stoic during the ceremony at Fort Logan, we, her friends, knew she was taking comfort in the knowledge that her beloved Jimmie was now beginning his eternal life. If you have a quiet moment this week, please say a prayer for the repose of this good man’s soul. It would mean everything to Linda.