40 days, 40 reflections

Ash Wednesday, February 16, 2010
By Terry Polakovic

As we begin our 2010 Lenten season, I am reminded of another time, the Lent of 1987. That was the Lent my mother died. However, it is not her death that floods my memory. It is the fact that in spite of the immense pain connected with losing our mother, my 17-year old sister refused to break her Lenten fast. She simply would not do it, no matter how hard I tried to convince her that God would understand. She felt that God deserved better than that. Even though I was 33 at the time, I felt entitled to break the fast, and had no problem doing so. To my way of thinking, my mother’s death was Lent enough. Thankfully, the years have taught me that it is not about the fast; it is about the humility. In other words, it is not about me.

Today, I welcome every Ash Wednesday. I have come to appreciate that Lent is that special time of year when we are encouraged to meditate solely on the depth of God’s infinite love for us. And when I think of God’s special love for me, I think of that scared young woman who was insistent on breaking her Lenten fast and compare her to the woman I have become and still hope to be. I recall all of the times He has loved me in spite of myself, and how His grace has directed the different paths I have taken over these past twenty three years, since the death of my mother. Meditating on His love reminds me that even in my loneliest moments, I have never been alone.

This year, I have invited 40 friends of ENDOW to share their own Lenten reflections. Each day during Lent, we will post a different reflection, with the hope that it will somehow inspire each of you to think of God in a new, more beautiful way.