Virtue--Eileen Love

By Eileen Love

I saw a TV show one day recently – a talk show – and some “experts” were coaching a clueless mother on how best to help her ninth grade daughter. You see, the daughter and her boyfriend were very close and getting closer and both sets of parents were watching the friendship progress. The boy’s mother – a guest on the show - was approving of the two of them taking their relationship “to the next level,” as long as they practiced “safe sex.” The girl’s mother – also a guest - was by turns, angry and incredulous that all her talks with her daughter had come to nothing. The girl was defiant and obstinate – what did her mother know about love anyway? The boyfriend had an air of entitlement about him – this is what I want, who has the right to tell me otherwise?
Enter the expert. She counsels the two kids to have some very frank talks. They nod their agreement. Yes, they think everything should be discussed thoroughly. Facing the girl, the expert inquires, “How long do you see yourselves together as a couple?” The girl demurs, looking at her boyfriend for some guidance. He answers firmly, “This is a long term relationship...” The girl smiles adoringly. He continues his thought…“…at least six months.”
You could almost hear the girl’s heart shatter.
At the Q and A session, lots of folks weighed in, but the woman who made the audience cheer was the one who got up and said, “What about some competent adults telling them NO?! Educating kids is about more than risk management, for heaven’s sake. What about teaching your children virtue?”
Ah, yes, virtue. According to ENDOW’s soon-to-be-released book, Aquinas for Beginners Part II – The Virtues, “virtue” is the English translation of the Latin word virtus, which can be translated as “excellence,” or “state of thriving.” For Aristotle and for Aquinas, for a human being to have virtue means to be excellent, to excel as a human being. To have virtue is to be more fully human than one would be without virtue.
Seems to me the biggest favor a loving mother could do for her child is to help that child be her most fully human self. That means offering her a standard of excellence to aspire to that is higher, better, and truer than what is frequently served up by our confused culture.
The TV show ended on a hopeful note, as the girl said she was persuaded to rethink her decision. Apparently, the boyfriend’s “six months” remark cinched it. She thought love was forever.